Friday, March 15, 2013

Spring Ahead, Fall Back

Though this mnemonic describes the clock adjustments of Daylight Savings Time in the spring and Standard Time come fall, it could also describe the struggle to move forward after my marriage ended abruptly some four months ago.

Losing that precious hour on March 10, 2013 meant only a minor interruption to my schedule; I no longer work and can therefore rise at any hour I choose. But I had spent the weekend with my new lover, who does work, and my time with him was limited.

Working people generally put off doing laundry until Sunday, preferring to have their fun and freedom all day Saturday. Sunday is the Zen day, when the working person wanders around his house, reluctantly pushing away the memory of Saturday’s Bacchanalian revelry. He shapes his lips to breathe out a silent om and braces up for the work week ahead. My lover’s weekend ritual is no exception, and because he lives some distance away from me, he needed to leave before noon.

On Sunday morning, when time had jumped ahead one hour, he rose early and I late. I insisted on making him breakfast, but he felt ill at ease, rushed. We argued about it, which irritated me. He only had a date with a buddy to play pool at noon back home, something he had done regularly with this friend before he met me a month earlier--and so, I thought, why not call him and delay it? I didn't question him or complain, only struggled with these thoughts. We've only seen each other four times since we have met. It isn't a relationship. He isn't wooing me. We’re dating and sleeping together. My marriage broke up only four months ago. I’m trying to move on, but so far I am reminded of how much I've always detested dating, starting over, enduring these gray areas, noting what is missing. What is missing is an emotional bond. After he left, I sat down and cried. I missed my husband.

Oddly, this was not what I had anticipated. My husband ended our marriage because he resented my disease, I couldn't be his activities partner. His retirement dream was to sell everything and take his sailboat across the Mediterranean, visit Spain, Mexico, Ecuador, a dream I could not share. A few months after I tearfully left him and moved in with my mother, I registered on several dating sites. Considering why my marriage broke up, I was worried that my MS would discourage any potential suitors from pursuing an involvement. But my dating experiences have so far proven otherwise. I was surprised that the two men I met didn't frown at the sight of my cane. Instead, they expressed their admiration for my beauty, intelligence and wit. They wanted to see me again.

I've taken a big leap forward in terms of confidence and self-esteem, I am no longer worried about MS preventing me from finding romance again. But memory and that enduring bond of love have pulled me back a few steps. Just as I have learned to be patient with the ups and downs of the disease, I must, once again, learn to be patient with the quest for loving and being loved in the ways that I need and desire. 


  1. Kim,

    I am VERY happy to see that you are dating! I am glad romance has not eluded you as you have so much to offer; looks, intelligence, charm and a wicked sense of wit.

    Time will show you the way. Be patient and true love will show up at your door again.


  2. Kim
    I want you to know I always admired you in school. Now that I have read your blog I still admire you, and more. I imagine your life experiences everyday are challenging. I am so glad you have love in your life. And just know that men can be painful. They can be so great, then they want what they want. I have been been married twice. My life right now isn't so good,as far as having love surround me. I don't care for it but I live with an ex husband because I didn't have any other place to go. He is gracious now tho. He's single I'm single, we co exist. So I hope you stay as well as possible. Keep your good heart Kim ! I am so glad we have facebook, I have reconnected with so many old friends. It's wonderful ! Mary Doxsee

  3. Damn, MS. It has taken too much from you, Kim,including your relationships. I am happy to read your desires are still alive and well. There is a partner for you who will embrace you, MS and all, and may you find each other soon. hugs, Laura

  4. It is the "instant connection" we seek. The sight or sound or both..and hits you and you know right away.

    Your posts always leave me silent as they are so well written and soulful.

    You are doing well.

  5. Hello "old" friend,

    Why in the hell would you want to put up with a man again?!

    Okay, I am a guy for those of you who don't know me. And I have to say, we are not so hot when it comes to relationships...

    I am on the other end of the stick from Kim, I am the one with MS and my wife is the one stuck with taking care of me.

    I don't know how she does it...

    Good writing once again Kim,